is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
