you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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