At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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