i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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