I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
She bit a glass in half.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
