sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
