The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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