I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
