I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
