I wish I could teleport
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
why do cheetos always look like penises
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
