im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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