everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
