When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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