i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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