It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
worst night to have a conscience
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
