So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Randomize
