the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
