i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
