do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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