dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
