I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
