I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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