I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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