Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
