My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
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