I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
