She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
