He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
