I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
