Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
