FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
