I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
