There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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