I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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