bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
