I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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