but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
