Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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