I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
