he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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