Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
