Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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