We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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