Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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