I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
