an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
