Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
