One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
These tits shall not be calmed
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
