So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
