You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
