Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
