I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
