Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
