I faked an abortion last night.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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