Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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