I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Randomize
