Kiss
Puke
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
