Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
