God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Randomize
